Why It Is Okay to Be a Lone Wolf

I’ve spent most of my life feeling different from other people. While most people value companionship highly, I’ve always found myself enjoying solitude over socialization instead. While I still have social needs, I rarely feel like being around anybody and even when I do, I usually find those interactions unsatisfying and exhausting. As I’ve grown in self-acceptance, I’ve also noticed that the desperate need I previously possessed for others to validate me has been replaced with increasing indifference and acceptance of the fact that I like being alone. Therefore, my preference for solitude as a lone wolf as well as my diminishing need for social acceptance has made me question if high levels of socialization are really as beneficial for all of us as many would claim. In my own experience and observations, I have found that less socialization is actually better for me as a lone wolf. 

The Consequences of Too Much Socialization for the Lone Wolf

While this obviously doesn’t apply to everyone, those of us who are closer on the spectrum to introversion would do well to disregard the traditional extroversion bias we often encounter and instead discover what works best for us. I have grown up in a country (USA) where lone wolves are shamed for being who they are and are pressured into being more social. However, in my experience, this makes me miserable. Too much socialization exhausts my energy, stifles my creativity, and overstimulates my highly sensitive nervous system. Lone wolves like myself don’t need other people surrounding us to feel good; instead, we actually need significant amounts of time alone to feel good! It’s sad that so many people in my life have seen this attribute as some type of mental illness or social defect when it isn’t. Therefore, if you know someone who prefers lots of time alone, don’t criticize them for it; instead, understand that for them, time alone makes them feel the same way as being around people makes you feel.

Socialization Isn’t as Important for Lone Wolves

I know it might be hard to believe, but lone wolves find joy, fulfillment, and happiness in solitude that many people only find in the company of others. While I sometimes enjoy the company of others if I’m willing to drag myself into it, I rarely experience the satisfaction I observe others feeling in similar situations. When I was younger, I did enjoy receiving validation from others because I wasn’t able to validate myself at the time; however, I still didn’t really enjoy socialization that much for its own sake either. As I’ve gotten older, healed my childhood wounds, and increased my self-esteem, I’ve found myself no longer needing as much from my social interactions with other people anymore. When I do connect with others, I’m not looking for validation, but instead sharing interesting conversations or life experiences. These connections now fall into the category of life enrichment for me instead of desperate need.

Optimal Social Interaction Is Better Than More Social Interaction

In my observations, I’ve noticed that every person has their own optimal level of social interaction. The more social a person is, the more important higher levels of socialization are to their wellbeing; however, the less social a person is, the more important solitude is to their wellbeing. Therefore, wherever you are on the social spectrum determines what’s best for you. 

The Pressure to Socialize More Only Hurts Lone Wolves

I’m often frustrated by how so many people, including psychologists, pressure solitude-preferring people like me to socialize more and treat everyone as if we’re all the same. It’s like they think that more socialization is always better. However, they could not be further from the truth! My fellow lone wolves, you and I both know we’ve all tried this. We get goaded into attending social functions and being around people more and do we feel better? No! We get exhausted, feel disconnected from our joy and creativity, and take days to recover! Yet somehow this excessive socialization is supposed to be good for us?! I don’t think so. Instead, when we minimize social engagements and engage with ourselves–thinking, creating, and reflecting alone–we bloom into people full of energy, enthusiasm, creative ambition, and fullness of life! Therefore, a person’s wellbeing should be judged not by some arbitrary psycho-social average, but instead by what makes a person thrive.

It is Okay to Be a Lone Wolf!

If you are a lone wolf and prefer solitude over socialization, don’t let others tell you that something is wrong with you and that you need to be more like them. That is just their ignorance of psychology and insecurity about their emotional dependence on people being challenged by your alternative lifestyle and emotional independence.

Lone Wolves Have Different Needs

If you are a very social person, try to understand that everyone’s needs and preferences are different. Just like it would be unhealthy for you to be socially isolated, it would also be very unhealthy for a lone wolf to be oversocialized. Therefore, no one needs to change anyone. Let’s just accept our differences and appreciate the value that comes from each of us.

Take the Alone Time You Need

For my lone wolves and introverts out there, give yourself permission to disappoint people and take more time to enjoy the solitude you need. You deserve to live a life that is healthy for you just like highly social people do. Why is it okay for them to get what they need and be around people all the time, but for you, it’s unacceptable to get what you need and spend more time alone? 

Conclusion

It’s time that we live in alignment with who we are and set boundaries with others to ensure that we get the time alone we need to thrive. After all, isn’t that what makes us lone wolves? We thrive alone.