Mental Health Challenges

I have personally experienced each of the following to varying degrees: Severe Depression, Severe Anxiety, Moderate Irritability, Severe Social Anxiety, Severe OCD, Severe ADHD, Complex PTSD, and the resulting Long-Term Unemployment (10+years total), Social Isolation, Numerous Psychosomatic Symptoms, and Life Dysfunction. In 2020, I also experienced two natural psychotic breaks (no drugs involved), each requiring a 2 week hospitalization, followed by getting on disability and dealing with horrible medication side effects for three years until I found the right medications. During these three years, my medications caused a complete loss of interest in life, an inability to feel any positive emotions (which was exceptionally painful), a drug withdrawal lasting 6 months with non-stop anxious suffering day and night, sleeping 15-20 hours a day, gaining 50 pounds in three months at the beginning, having so little energy that it was difficult to even sit upright on the couch, and not being able to enjoy anything but the richest of foods. Also, during my psychotic breaks, I experienced symptoms of schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder, and delusional disorder, all of which thankfully resolved through medication and I’ve been almost completely symptom free ever since.

Near Death Experiences

I have personally experienced a moment  where I thought I was going to die and because of this, I know what it feels like to accept that your life is over and embrace your impending death. I have also had the unfortunate experience of suffering so severely on an emotional level while I in the hospital that I thought I was going to have to kill myself to end the pain–even though I didn’t want to die. Thankfully, my doctors were able to shift my medications in time before I figured out how to go through with it.

My Wife Almost Dying

She had a massive ulcerative colitis flair that we tried to fix with a special diet that nearly killed her in the process. While that diet had cured many people, we trusted the dogmatic person guiding us through the diet for far too long instead of trusting the evidence that it wasn’t working. I swore after this to never trust an authority again when the evidence is contrary to their claims. Evidence comes first for me now. I’ve realized that evidence is the only thing that grounds us in reality and protects us from bullshit.

Religious Deconversion

I was born into a fundamentalist christian family where religion was more important than anything else (other than the social appearance and narcissistic supply of my parents). I was a diehard christian until my mid-20’s when I deconverted from christianity and became an agnostic atheist.

People-Pleasing Recovery

I have made a significant shift in my life from external validation (caring about what others think) to internal validation (caring more about what I think) and have taken back control over my life, ensuring that my needs and wants are met instead of expecting others to fulfill them for me.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

I have been coming out of a lifetime of repression and social masking to express my true self and reconnect with my emotions. In this process, I have been learning to trust myself for the first time after being gaslighted by both my parents and my childhood religion. I’ve also been figuring out who I am and what I want for myself, learning to set boundaries, distancing myself from toxic people and developing self-worth, self-love, and emotional peace for myself.

Healing Childhood Wounds

As I mentioned above, I have been developing self-worth, self-esteem, self-love, and self-care to address what I didn’t receive or learn in my childhood.

Healing an Unhealthy Marriage

Because of the relationships modeled by our parents, my wife and I have had to make the switch from a codependent, enmeshed relationship to a much healthier interdependent relationship.

Understanding Relationships

Because of my interest in psychology and also my experience healing from unhealthy relationships, I’ve developed a strong understanding of human relational behavior.

Self-Discovery as an Adult

Due to my parent’s conditional love, rejection of my true self, and pressure to conform to the narcissistic roles they chose for me, I missed out on the process of self-discovery that most children experience in childhood. Instead, I ended up repressing my true self to gain safety, acceptance, and “love” in my family, something that continued until 2023, when I had an awakening and started discovering my true self for the first time.

Being an Empath and HSP

Throughout my life, I’ve experienced the highs and the lows of being an emotionally aware and sensitive person. It’s only been recently that I have truly appreciated and accepted these aspects of myself, deciding to create a life in alignment with them instead of trying to work against them and be like a “normal” person.

Sexual Awakening

When my parents talked about sex, which almost never happened, they rarely had anything positive to say about it. Instead, I could always hear their negativity, embarrassment, or shame toward it in their voice and they implied that anything to do with sex other than married sex–such as sexual desire, masturbation, unmarried sex, or enjoying adult media–was “sinful” and shameful. Because of their sex negativity, I have had to heal from sexual shame and repression to experience natural healthy sexuality.

Personal Growth

I’ve been interested in personal growth my whole life and have tried many things–and not just for growth–but also for healing.